Erin stretched and groaned beneath the blankets as she awoke from an uneasy sleep. She’d tossed and turned all night, conflicted with her feelings about Jon, wary of the way she’d left things with Max, and worried about the lies she’d told them both.
This burden was getting to be too much. She’d been carrying around this weight for awhile now, and it was getting heavier by the day…every day that passed since she’d broken things off with Max. She was torn. Torn between feeling as though she should come clean and tell both men the truth before they found out otherwise – before things got ugly – and feeling like it was too late. The part of her that felt it was too late knew that damage had been done, and now she just had to deal with it. The other part of her held out hope that something could be done to reverse it.
But it couldn’t be reversed.
Erin sighed and swung her legs out of bed. She winced as her feet touched the floor; for some reason her body seemed heavier than normal. She slowly padded into the bathroom and flipped on the overhead mirror lights.
She glanced at herself in the mirror and made a face. She’d definitely been putting on weight lately. Her cheeks seemed swollen, her breasts fuller, even her hips looked wider. And her belly was definitely larger. Erin furrowed a brow and wondered why she hadn’t noticed the weight gain before.
Suddenly, as if brought on by an electric shock, a strong wave of nausea overtook her. Erin instinctively grabbed her stomach and leaned forward, taken by surprise. The pain subsided almost instantly, only to be replaced with another wave, stronger this time. Erin doubled over, the customary sense of urgency and panic filling her system and shortening her breath as she stumbled over to the toilet.
A third wave hit and she lurched forward, gagging into the porcelain bowl and heaving uncontrollably, since her stomach was empty from a night’s sleep. Despite her body’s reflexes, she produced nothing but acid, which burned her throat.
A moment later the pain subsided and Erin collapsed onto the bathroom rug, shaking and swallowing instinctively. Her eyes watered and she sat bewildered, wondering where the hell that had all come from.
The only thing she could think of was….
A familiar sense of panic suddenly took root in her gut, its implications nagging, but Erin refused to believe it.
There was no way. She’d been on the pill for years.
Suddenly unable to shake the thought from her mind, Erin reached over for the cabinet beneath the sink. She rummaged around inside for a minute and found what she was looking for: a small, white opened box in the back of the cabinet.
She paused for a minute. Then, hands shaking, she withdrew a thin strip from the box and hoisted herself up on the toilet. She positioned the strip and finished her business. When she was done, she set the strip on the counter and waited impatiently.
60 seconds and three years later, she looked at the colored tip.
Pink.
Erin stared, unable to breathe, unable to blink, her heart frozen in mid-beat, her mind blank. Pink?
The wheel of disbelief started to spin, slowly at first until it was revolving in her poor brain so fast she got dizzy. Her breathing shortened, her mouth went dry, her knees went weak. How?
This can’t be happening, she thought desperately.
A new responsibility…a new weight…a new burden…she wasn’t ready…she couldn’t handle it…
Heart racing, Erin collapsed to the floor.
And promptly sat up in bed.
***
Jon awoke around the same time as Erin, several miles away. He had to meet up with the rest of the band for a morning full of interviews in New York, and though he was not looking forward to it, he was in a perfectly good mood.
When he arrived at the magazine’s headquarters, he found Richie pacing in the lobby.
“What the hell took you so long?” the guitarist snapped by way of greeting.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Jon replied. “Ever drive in Manhattan on a Monday morning?”
“The interview’s in 5 minutes,” Richie said pointedly, leading the way to the elevator. “Teek and Dave are already upstairs.”
The bell dinged as the sleek silver doors slid open, and Jon and Richie stepped inside.
“Dunno what you’re so fuckin’ happy about,” Richie grumbled as he watched Jon. “You hate interviews.”
Jon shrugged. “I guess I just have other things on my mind.”
Richie pulled a face so reminiscent of a teenage boy’s that Jon laughed. “Dude, you’re acting like a lovestruck puppy. Is she really all that amazing?”
“You can stop being so bitter, Rich,” Jon said good-naturedly. “Sounds like you’re unhappier about these interviews than I am.”
“Yeah well, that and you’re waltzing around without a care in the world, like you’re on a cloud. Feet with wings lately, man, I swear. It was like that all last week in Nashville, and you still haven’t come down.”
“Are you not happy that I’m happy?” Jon asked martyrly.
Richie rolled his eyes. “Shut up. All I’m saying is I’m not used to having the reins in both hands here. You’re usually the serious one, but lately you’ve been painting rainbows everywhere we go.”
Jon led out a hoot of laughter. “Someone definitely has a major stick up his ass this morning!”
Richie merely scowled as the elevator came to a halt and they stepped out onto the fifth floor.
***
The nightmare plagued Erin all day, making it difficult to concentrate on work and focus on her tasks at hand. She kept instinctively moving her hand to her belly, as if to reassure herself that it had only been a dream.
It had felt so real. When she thought about the details, it seemed ridiculous to her – like being able to bring up a positive pregnancy test after one time of morning sickness – but at the same time, it utterly freaked her out.
On her lunch hour, she scoured the internet for dream meanings and puzzled over the results for pregnancy dreams.
To dream that you are pregnant symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing…though you may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.
To dream that you are taking a pregnancy test may be a metaphor for a new phase you are entering in your life. You may feel that you are being put to the test as to whether you are prepared or ready for these changes.
Erin inhaled deeply. The subconscious mind was just too unreal. The symbolism made a lot of sense: new life phases, a growing and developing aspect of your personal life…it didn’t take a genius to figure that one out.
She closed her eyes in exasperation. She was so tired of this guilt-ridden conscience, it was unbelievable. Nobody else lets it bother them this much, she thought angrily. Can’t you just be normal?
But the truth was, it wasn’t normal for her to be in the situation she was in. In fact, she’d never been in a situation like the one she was in. And it was affecting every aspect of her life now; it was even haunting her in her dreams.
Being with Jon should have been bringing her more happiness than she’d had in years. And on the surface, it was. But behind the mask, she was waging one hell of an internal battle.
That evening Erin left the office and began her walk home, more conflicted than ever before.
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5 Comments:
Very well written. I am hooked on this story line. I was really worried there for a minute that Erin was expecting. But I am more concerned now where the hell is Max lurking.
bex.. you had me going there for a bit! ;)
Love this chapter.. great writing! ;)
I knew, as soon as, I started reading and Erin was feeling bigger, her boobs, her tummy, I knew something was up. I am so HAPPY for Erin and Jon. I wonder how Jon is going to take the news.
Thanks for the story, Becky, can't wait to read more!
Thanks ladies!
Johnna, Erin isn't really pregnant. She had a nightmare that she was, and then reflected on why she dreamed it. :) Don't worry, if that ever comes up for Erin for real, I'll make a bigger deal about it! LOL
You nearly had me there, you bum! LOL
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